The Illusion of Immunity
You walk around like you’ve got armour on — too clever to be conned, too self‑reliant to be steered, too sharp to tumble into the traps other people trip over. Adorable. Lucky you then . That little pep‑talk in your head? That bit of swagger makes you easier to nudge off balance. Gaslighting doesn’t just chase the naïve; it hunts anyone convinced they’re untouchable.
Ordinary, Everywhere
Gaslighting isn’t some exotic con saved for movie villains or the odd psychopath. It’s not a spooky chapter in a textbook either. It’s as common as a bad office joke — hiding in chats, family dinners, throwaway banter on group threads. Scroll your feed and it’s right there, dressed up as “just joking.” Think you’re immune? Keep reading. By the end, you’ll see more gaslighting moments in your week than you want to admit.
Small Lies, Big Damage
Gaslighting rarely starts with a grand lie. It slips in through tiny denials — “That never happened.” “You’re imagining it.” “Relax.” On their own they seem harmless. Stack them up and they corrode confidence like rust. Soon you doubt what you saw, then what you heard, until you’re unsure you can trust yourself. That’s when they’ve got you – and this what they want.
How They Get In
Memory isn’t a fortress; it’s more like an overstuffed drawer that gets messier every time you tug it open. You already replay moments, wondering if you were too blunt, too soft, too… something. Gaslighters love that wobble. They don’t need to invent cracks — they slide a crowbar into the ones you’ve kindly left.
Their tricks aren’t flashy but they work: repeat the story until theirs sounds sturdier than yours. Muffle other voices so theirs is the only one echoing back. It’s never a single blow — it’s slow grit, scraping the shine off your certainty.
Real-Life Scenarios
Picture this: you’re in a relationship, and one night your partner lobs a low blow. You remember every word, every flicker of their face. Next day you bring it up and they grin: “I never said that.” First you argue. By the fifth round you’re hesitating. By the tenth, you’re apologising for being “too sensitive.” That’s gaslighting — not wiping your memory, but sneaking in edits until you doubt the original.
Workplace version? Your boss cuts you down in front of the team, then calls it “tough love.” Supposedly coaching. Your chest still smarts, yet now you’re wondering if you’re just ungrateful. Friends can pull it too: a cheap shot dressed as banter, then “Don’t be dramatic.” Double hit — first the sting, then the dismissal.
Gaslighting doesn’t just rewrite what happened; it rewrites the part you’re allowed to play.
How to Spot It and Stay Grounded
Try this drill for a week. Keep a notebook. Any time someone makes you doubt your memory, perception, or emotions, write it down. Watch for phrases — “never happened,” “you’re imagining things,” “you overreact.” At week’s end, read the list. Some will be harmless. Some deliberate. All of it shows how fragile your trust in yourself can be.
Also watch your own language. When someone calls you out, do you deny first? Do you downplay their feelings to protect yourself? That’s the twisted symmetry of gaslighting — victim and manipulator can be closer than you think
Bend truth or break bonds?
Humans crave belonging. We’d rather bend truth than risk breaking the bond. Partners twist memory and you forgive. Bosses hide abuse as mentorship and you accept. Friends dismiss feelings and you laugh it off. Keeping the tie feels safer than defending your perception — and that’s the lever they pull.
Authority makes it worse. Love makes it worse. Emotion makes it worse. When you’re hurt, angry, or infatuated, you’re reactive — the perfect moment for a gaslighter.
Hard truth
Gaslighting doesn’t require stupidity, only humanity. The smarter you think you are, the easier you are to trap. Tomorrow you might hear “you’re too sensitive,” or someone may deny what you know happened. You’ll call it compromise, not control — and that’s the trick.
It doesn’t need a megaphone. It whispers. It doesn’t invent a whole new reality; it just persuades you to abandon yours. Unless you learn to spot it, you’ll keep falling — at home, at work, with friends, even in politics.
Here’s the hard truth: you could be gaslighted tomorrow. You probably already were today. If you didn’t notice, that’s the proof. Protect your reality, or someone else will rewrite it for you.
Next in the series: the moment you realise even freedom can be scripted. The Lie of Control: How Easily People Play You.
Still convinced you’d never fall for gaslighting? Cute. Subscribe — I’ll show you exactly how to flip it back on manipulators. I read the emails, reply to as many as I can, and never tell you to “just stay positive.”